A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
