We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
