Betty ford says i'm here all night
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
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