I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
i think i have two assholes
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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