Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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