i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Randomize
