Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Threesome in a minivan. New low
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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