I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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