So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
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