k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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