I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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