i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
