My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
