btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
