If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
