Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
