I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
