I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
My dick has a subreddit
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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