I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I didn't notice because vodka
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
