Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
