fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize