U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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