he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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