and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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