Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
