There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
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