giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
