So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
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