I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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