Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
