Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize