Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
