She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
