I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
