I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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