Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
God I need to hump something, right now.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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