wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
