i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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