So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
