they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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