Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
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