If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Randomize
