And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
