oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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