Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
there is another microwave in the elevator.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
