Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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