you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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