I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Randomize
