i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
