One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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