planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
A bitchslap is in order.
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