Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
