I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize