think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
