If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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