i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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