Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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