I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
