im six kinds of drunk right now
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
