I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
