The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
