My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Randomize
