I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
