so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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