He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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