so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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