dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize