Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
