what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
