the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize