This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
