I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Can i not drive my cunt home
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
