and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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