She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
