either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
