It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize