you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
