Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
