This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
