Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Randomize
