and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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